The struggles of having a passion…
Doing something you love is a great feeling for everyone. It makes us feel happy and whole as a person and can be even better when you share that passion you have for something with someone close to you. Having this passion can make you do incredible things, it is like fuel for fire. You will love it, no matter how much you hate doing it.
For myself, photography is my passion, as well as many other things in my life but for this post, I want to talk about my struggles with keeping my photography passion alive.
It is an odd thing to talk about. Whenever I hold my camera, I feel like myself, I feel whole, as if the camera itself is a part of my body. I am sure some of you who are reading this will sort of understand. It is a unique sensation that I love to experience but I fear that my burning passion for it is slowly fading away into the depths of my soul. We all have a passion for something, but I have realized that the more we experience that passion, the more it becomes repetitive. It starts to become a little tedious and samey. It can be a downer for us and can be difficult to experience that fire again that we once had. For me, there have been a lot of ups and downs. There have been days where I wanted to go out and explore, take photos of the scenery and come back and edit them to add more flair and dazzle to the shots I took. Other days, I felt like maybe this isn’t for me, this isn’t my calling, maybe I am not good enough and no-one wants to see my photos. My camera would stay packed away in its bag until I felt the burning desire to take it out again and capture more of the world. I guess that when you have experienced the same area again and again, it starts to feel very monotonous. Even if you try to find new angles and subjects to shoot, it still feels all the same. Because I deal with anxiety, this makes it a lot worse and doubting myself can be so frustrating that it has lead to depression.
I remember back when I was a lot younger and I pictured myself as a photographer. I didn’t have a clear picture of what kind of photography I wanted to do, but I could just see myself taking pictures of things for a living, for a company such as National Geographic perhaps, but now that I am where I am, it all just seems like a dream that will never become a reality and I blame myself for it. However, that is not to say I am not happy, because I am, I am very happy. Sure I may not have a career in something right now but I have a job that pays the bills and I am able to treat Isabel and I every now and then. I have made the necessary steps to take towards my new goal now which is to become a journalist. I am still unsure of what kind of journalist I want to be, but I am confident being at University will help me decide and pave out a clearer path for my future.
I have thought a lot about how I can involve my camera more in my life. It is tricky as not much has inspired me lately to go out and take photographs and I have become a little bored of the city. I realize that I can go venture to other places around the globe, but being an introvert makes it difficult to go outside sometimes. Most of the time, I just want to stay indoors where I feel safe and whilst I realize that is perfectly fine and there’s nothing really wrong with it, I should probably make more of an effort to go out and find new things that could potentially inspire me and bring back that spark. I have some plans in mind for my University assessments which involve using my camera more so perhaps that will re-ignite the fire inside me that has laid dormant for some time.
The days when I do feel that urge to go out and take some photos can be some of the best days because I am capturing moments that represent such emotion, something epic and memorable, and maybe something truly amazing that only I was lucky enough to witness and capture. I just wish that is how I felt all the time. I guess we all have off-days sometimes, but I know it isn’t the end of the world. I just hope that my passion will return to me in full, and I know it won’t return to me on its own. I will work hard for it, because it is a part of who I am, and it sucks to lose something of yourself like that.
Photography can be so much fun and fulfilling. Capturing time at a stand-still feels rewarding and precious. I am very thankful for where photography has lead me and the images I have taken over the course of many years will stay with me for a lifetime. It is because of photography that I am where I am today and I am very happy and proud of myself for getting this far with the huge help of my loving family and awesome friends. I don’t plan to stop any time soon and will continue to make everyone proud.
Photography will always, to the day I depart from this world, be a part of me.
Here is a small selection of my favourite photos that I have taken over the last year.
Hope you enjoyed reading and look forward to seeing you in my next blog.